love, love, love, sex, sex, sex...puh-leeze!

Love has been a topic as far as I can remember. I wonder why people never get bored talking about it because honestly, I am getting sick of it. It just ticks me off whenever I hear a love song or when talk revolves to the joys of loving someone. I hate to say this but I've never been in-love with anyone in my entire life and I wonder if I'll stay that way. Oh I meet people and feel an attraction to them but that would be either a heavy infatuation, short-term crushes or quick lust. Love? Never been there yet so I don't understand what it's like.

*sigh*

Then you add sex along with it, which makes things worse. So ok, everybody's doing it these days, big deal. Does it mean I have to join the circus as well? Do I have to do it with my boyfriend just to show that I love him? To those who do, fine that's their choice.

For the first question: that would depend of course if I'm crazy enough to do so. But I'm not.

For the second question: NO @#%$NG WAY! THAT WOULD HAPPEN WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!

You know what, I feel like giving up for the chance to love. If it means spending the rest of my life ALONE, then that's fine. I made that choice and I will stick to it even if the idea of being alone is scary.

Then again fate would always go against me. I don't mind. I just want them to prove me wrong that I don't have to be alone in this planet.

PROVE ME WRONG THAT SOMEONE LIKE ME WILL BE ABLE TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN! PROVE ME WRONG THAT I WON'T HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE ALONE!

of rages and tempers

Controlling anger is one of the most difficult things I experience in my life. Especially if the type of anger is something that makes your heart beat faster than usual making your chest constrict with pain. Then later on, you feel like destroying everything in sight.

Today is one of those days where my rage surfaced. It hurts still despite my friends distracting me, making me laugh. It was really trivial, but most of our anger comes from little things.

My temper is something like of an H-bomb, it explodes rapidly and ends just as rapidly. But the damage is done, it's too late to take it back. Because of this, I hurt so many people.

I have a long way to go to manage my anger. A very, very long way......

ooohhh....

I am so ticked off and nervous today. We're doing some mock calls and honestly, it's driving me crazy! Shift's almost over and I still didn't get to have my turn (makes me wonder if that's a good thing or not).

Oh well, tomorrow's another day and let's see what happens. But man, am I nervous!

This job is a sign of staring over again and I hate to ruin it by making mistakes. Though I'd rather make mistakes now than do it by next week at least by then if I ever screw things up on the floor, it'll be minimal.

Good luck to all of us or in Japanese...Gambatte, minna!

almost done

One month of intensive training is over and honestly I'm pretty scared. I may manage to get good scores in my exams but I wonder if I'll be able to put to use what I learned. And when I manage to do that, I wonder how long would I last in my job.

It's a neverending process actually.

But I want to stop wondering and being scared even if a little fear is good for the soul. It makes me feel paralyzed.

of tardiness and panic

Remind me not to have a long talk with my best bud on the phone before you leave work. I'm almost late because of that, though it was fun talking to her since it's been a while since we chatted and I kinda miss her.

But if it means panicking over if you're late or not...maybe i should choose when to call her up.

new life

Starting over is never easy and it's what i always do since last year.  But this time,  I know I'm doing it for real. I have a new job, new set of co-workers, new challenges and hopefully a new love life?! Hahahaha! 

So here's to my new life!